So, to summarise the last month

Gaaaah, sorry, have been absolutely terrible at updating recently. Apologies.

Well, to summarise the last month...

The house is very cold. I've been running round it periodically doing crazy energy-saving measures. We have tinfoil behind the radiators, scrunched up newspaper up the chimney, a draught-excluder lying in wait ready to trip over anyone who comes in the door...

Employment prospects are looking better. With any luck (assuming I haven't screwed up the test!) I should be doing some freelance report-writing, transcripts and possibly translation, and eventually might get to be official translation hander-outer-er. But let's not get carried away. This is, incidentally, all thanks to my cousin. Nepotism and telecommuting, that's what we like! I now have to tidy the study, but this is preferable to working in an ethically questionable organisation as I thought I'd otherwise have to.

Wokingham has gone down in my estimation. Previously, I used say in a rather droll, slightly tongue-in-cheek fashion, 'oh, the only thing it has going for it is the salsa dancing classes'. They've recently moved the salsa dancing classes to Twyford, and I've decided I want to move to London, so perhaps the was something in it.

Meh. I want to live in the middle of London or the middle of nowhere. Suburbia sucks.

Foodie project goes well. Have been talking to some very helpful and some rather obstreperous catering managers, and very much enjoying working in an office where people talk about things like the Soil Assoc report on imported organic food, and where there are 400 varieties of coffee in the fridge!

Am also becoming even more middle aged. Spent ages on Wednesday trying to tidy the garden up, as it was covered in weeds and depressing me. Looking much clearer now, but I did manage to lock myself out of the house without any shoes on. Oops.

Randomness

Ooh, how scary. There's just been what sounds like an air raid siren going off. I wondered if it was the four-minute warning, and was briefly confronted with the terrifying possibility that I might die, unemployed, playing spider solitaire in my pyjamas at 10 o'clock.

So, yes, the summer was fun, Portugal was fun, the house is nice and now mostly furnished, and I'm still unemployed. I did work briefly as a battery chicken, but then had a spectacular bout of career indecision, burnt my boats (it was boring as hell, but at least it paid), subsequently decided I didn't want to be a speech therapist after all, but have ended up working (sporadically) with people with learning disabilities in order to become one, which doesn't pay well and isn't very regular, and nobody else wants to employ me.

Bugger.

There's a few things I'm waiting to hear about, though, and I have a very exciting internship, so it's not all doom and gloom. I just feel like I've moved to some provincial backwater to sponge off my boyfriend, which defies all my feminist principles. It's also rather depressing not knowing anyone or having anything to do a lot of the time. Meh.

Ah well. Am keeping myself occupied baking and cross stitching and stuff, which I'll doubtless miss tremendously as soon as I am working. Anyway, I have to go and collect a drill from someone so I can continue with my plan to grow spinach in a box, so I shall have to leave this here. Probably just as well, no-one wants to read my self-indulgent moaning!

"Nothing suppresses the exercise of conscience as effectively as the words, 'Buy one get one free'."

Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall

Argh!

I was minutes away from telling a prospective employer that I have excellent 'communicational skills'.

Young people these days!

Blimmin' 'eck, what's with all this Facebook/proctors/trashing malarky? I've had about 400 emails from OUSU in the last few days, blatantly up in arms about the whole thing, but I can't really see why. We get countless emails and letters from the proctors, right through Trinity term, saying that we're not allowed to throw disgusting things at people and that we shouldn't do it - I hardly believe anyone hurling octopodes on Queen's Lane hasn't heard yet. I suppose it's possible there are a few muppets out there who haven't yet realised that Facebook is public and lots of people have access to your personal details, but, honestly, anyone who persists in this so-called tradition* knows full well that it's against the rules, and if your misguided sense of humour and/or anarchy leads you to break them and you subsequently get caught, then I fail to see why anyone should feel morally indignant about it.



*Do you know how they really used to celebrate finishing Finals in the old days? They used to go and sit in the quad with a bottle of sherry, and invite their tutors.

I repeat, July my arse

Changed my mind, don't want to move to Berkshire anymore, it's all underwater. Think I'll stay up north, where there's lots of hills.

(Picture from BBC)


Damn global warming...

Whinge, whinge, whinge...

Wish it would stop bloody raining.

July my arse.

"Dignity is the one thing that can't be preserved in alcohol"

I'm supposed to be applying for jobs. Two admin jobs on the Reading Uni website finish this week and I would be more than happy to do either of them. Just put off by the scary form-filling. What's quite annoying is that I have actually been offered a job, but it's in Oxford, and it's teaching, so can't/won't do it.

Meh.

When I'm prime minister, I would pass a law that all jobs are to be applied for by means of CV and covering letter only, none of these stupid 10-page forms.


In other news....
We have the house!! Hurrah!!

Went down on Friday to visit the only house left on our list (all the others had gone during the week) and both really liked it. Cue a weekend of nailbiting while we waited to hear if the landlord was happy to take us with a guarantor (in absentia job and salary) , but the agency called first thing today and said yes!!

It's so, so cool and I'm massively excited about it. It's a wee Victorian terrace, two-up two-down, with a funky wooden staircase and a kitchen at the back of the house (gas hob!!). It's really light and airy, fortunately there aren't any hideous carpets or curtains we have to put up with, and there's a long, thin garden (all patio) where we can have barbecues. It's unfurnished, which is a pain, esp as we have to find a fridge and a washing machine from somewhere, but various family members seem to be keen to push furniture off on us, so we'll probably get useful things (like a bed and a sofa) from Nik's mum, and a handful of old clocks and ornaments from my antique-collector of a grandfather. My dad has promised to buy me some pots as a moving-in present, so I can start growing herbs and vegetables and things. Hurrah. Have also acquired Gaby's slow cooker which I am extremely pleased about.

Had a lovely last few days. Incredibly washed out barbecue on Saturday, which saw me and Jo holding umbrellas over the barbecues while Nik heroically flipped burgers, and a bunch of incredibly damp people huddled in the boathouse. Inspired by the relative dryness of Sunday, I dragged Nik, Catherine, Rob and Mairi to Minster Lovell (on the suggestion, two years ago, of my mother) which was an incredibly cool ruined hall near Witney. Aside from getting rather lost and the unsuitably-clad Catherine stepping in a cowpat, it was a most successful expedition. I also have a new contender for 'oddest utterance ever':

"I'm not following you. I've got some crayfish in a bag and they're trying to escape. You see, my dog just learnt to swim today."

This was from a lady at Minster Lovell whose numerous tanned children were splashing around in the stream. I want to be the kind of cool parent who lets their kids do that kind of thing (though don't want to engage strangers in peculiar conversations).

I'll post some photos of the day out and the house tomorrow.

Today, Nik took various bits of paperwork to the estate agents en route to home, and I've been faffing about filling in job applications. Actually, I've filled in one (my target was three), though the other Reading one should be easier now I've done the boring bits of the form and only have to write the 'why I'm fab' bit. I always agonise over them, and then get into it right at the end and write something utterly preposterous and arse-licking. I have, however, started packing. My room is full of boxes and piles of things and I'm missing a teaspoon, a glass and a plate. Damn communal kitchens.

Crikey!

"The alleged phenomenon of the Bridezilla spawned numerous newspaper articles that recounted her exploits with gleeful censure. There was one bride who demanded that her attendants all colour their hair the same shade of blonde; another who procured a swatch of the purple wallpaper from the hotel suite in which she would be spending her wedding night so her florist could find blooms that were an exact match; and another who insisted, before a barefoot beach wedding, that her husband's groomsmen all endure a pedicure."

...

"Thanks to the inspiration of Gerety - who never herself married - the imperative for a diamond engagement ring is today so well established that current De Beers' marketing campaigns have focused not simply upon the necessity of a diamond, but the necessity of a really, really big diamond. (One recent US advertisement shows a large stone and a smaller one side by side, with the caption under the smaller reading, "Where'd you get that diamond?" while the caption under the larger reads, "Where'd you get that man?") The convention that a man should spend two months' salary on his bride's ring was also created by the jewellery industry, and the De Beers website, adiamondisforever.com, provides a handy calculator for figuring out two months' salary from an annual wage, helpful for any would-be groom who can't divide by six. (Where'd you get that man, indeed.)"

From The Guardian.

Shiny, happy people holding champagne...

Right.

Time for a proper update I think, since I now have some time.

Well, finals were... finals happened. All my diligently colour-coordinated linguistics notes were utterly redundant as none of the papers had any questions on anything I knew about and I had to blag extensively. My supposedly best literature paper was rubbish, again no questions on anything I knew about, and it's easier to blag based on prelims/general knowledge of linguistics than it is when you haven't read any texts for a literature topic!! The three papers I had been most afeared of were actually the ones I felt went best - special authors, syntax and language essay. Though syntax would have been dire had Holly and I not learnt one side of lecture notes that was then expanded into the basis of an entire essay for both of us!! And I hope whoever marks my language essay is Belgian...

Anyway, after two weeks of exams, long cycle rides, sleep deprivation and patronising such fine establishments as Mamma Mia, the Dew Drop and the Summertown Wine Cafe on a regular basis, finals were over. Nik and Catherine gallantly trekked up north to meet me. Catherine brought some lovely flowers that smell gorgeous and made my room look pretty. Nik sprayed champagne in my eyes and I spent my first ten minutes of freedom hopping around outside M&S going 'Argh! Aaargh! I can't see!' Catherine went off to play squash with Mairi and Nik and I went to have lunch at the Oak (whose burgers are AMAZING) and we then all met up again in Chequers, Thomas arrived, I went to choir, I came home and collapsed in a sleepy heap and listened to the News Quiz and then dragged a posse of lovely people to the Grand Cafe for cheap cocktails. Hurrah.

I spent the weekend pottering. I like pottering. I made dinner for people on Saturday: chicken cacciatore (?sp), quite successful. I really want a Le Creuset casserole now. More than anything in the world. (I wanted one before, but I want one even more now I've borrowed Pete's.) My friends are heroic washer-uppers. Thank you! Sunday was Catherine's birthday and she was being flautatious for most of the day, but had a girly cream tea at the Rose and more cocktails at the Grand Cafe.

Incidentally, I thought I was doing so well not getting very worked up about finals. Since finishing, I realise that while I never had extreme moments of tension, I've been carrying around a residual level of tension for some time and I've been horribly antisocial and grumpy and not really been aware of it. Anyway, I'm very sorry and will now endeavour to be sunny and cheerful.

Last night was Schools Dinner and I was extremely cheerful, in large part thanks to the vast quantities of wine I consumed, and also because everyone's so lovely, all the other linguists, all our tutors. Lord, I'm getting soppy in my old age! But, meh, we all felt a bit soppy, and we got an email from Prof. Pearson this morning thanking us for our gifts (among which a pen with 'I [heart] Mallarme' on it!!) and I did have a bit of a cry. Also, never would have guessed in first year that I'd end up happily sitting with Mrs Williams discussing where babies come from!! And that was when I was relatively sober! There weren't too many questions about what on earth the void of the future will be filled with (everyone tactfully asked what we were doing 'in the summer') and Ruth very firmly told me that my woolly liberal desire to do something socially useful is 'not vague and not naive'. Hurrah! I extolled the virtues of facebook to Prof. Pearson and Ruth, thanked Charlie (the German tutor) 'for letting me in in the first place, even if I defected', went to Escape with Francois and stayed up till 4 a.m. eating cake and talking about god knows what. Apologies if I talked bollocks at anyone! And you're all a lovely bunch. I will make you another cake soon!

Hmm, maybe I should change my MSN from 'us linguists is working terrible hard' to something more appropriate.

I refer you to facebook for more photos!

Between now and the end of 9th week I am going to:

• go to the History of Science museum
• go to the Natural History/Pitt Rivers museum
• go to Blenheim Palace
• go to Minster Lovell
• go for a couple of long walks in the Cotswolds
• get some shoes for the ball
• make more lists
  
• read some more books FOR FUN and FOR THE PLOT

Anyone who wants to be included in any of the above (except the books one, cos I get territorial and solitary when reading) please contact me in some way!

I just filled in my vac res application form and had to write 'n/a' in the 'I would like to come into residence' section.

Happiness

Finals are over and 'I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue' is back on the radio.

Hurrah.

Typical...

Only on a French website, could you search for a casserole dish and be offered the DVD of 'Chicken Run'.

Shock horror!

A very satisfactory weekend.

Rather unexpectedly, I think this has been one of the nicest weekends I've ever spent in Oxford. Aside, of course, from feeling like I'm coming down with a nasty cold (TIMING! immune system, what were you thinking??!!!), this morning, for the first time in days, I got out of bed feeling like I'd had enough sleep! What wonder is this?!

I've mostly been pottering. Have done a little light work, mostly re-reading notes for Wednesday and cribbing parts of Holly's gender essay (thank you!), but otherwise I have read the paper, faffed about on the internet, been to the covered market and M&S Food, had a proper chat with Livvy, been to a pub with real people, made myself a massive lasagne and risotto so I can eat proper, nutritious food throughout the week without expending any more effort than popping a plate in the microwave, finished a cross stitch bookmark and gone on a lovely walk.

It's my favourite Oxford walk, but I was feeling especially attentive and thoughtful today. I went down past the station and walked up the Thames Path from Botley Road to Portmeadow. As I joined the path a canal barge went under the bridge, and I walked past all the little terraced cottages that back onto the river, and the allotments on the other side, with the sound of strimming and the glint of greenhouses.


As I crossed the next bridge, a train went past nearby. It was like a walking history tour of Industrial Britain. I carried on up the path, picking wild flowers and taking pictures of ducks. I even heard a cuckoo! I've always wondered why cuckoos are associated with springlike, cheerful things when they're nasty, sneaky, vicious birds. Ah well.

I crossed Portmeadow, and came back along the towpath from Jericho, peering nosily into the barges that were moored, thinking how homely they looked, with the plants growing on the roofs, Radio 4 playing, little models in the windows, a letterbox with a number on it, a woman standing on the deck doing her make-up in a hand mirror...

Also, the gardens of the houses alongside the canal, with dinghies tied up at the bottom of the lawn, cast iron tables and chairs under the willow trees. The graffiti on the barrier around where the boatyard used to be: GIVE IT BACK.

And, more faintly, ETHNIC CLEANSING. (Or, maybe, CLEANING. It was hard to read.)

I came back via a different route. A very Roberson walk.


Solitude, sometimes, is bliss.

Hmm

I must be getting old. On the way to college the other day, I was waiting to cross the road, when a bus went past and I looked at the driver and thought: 'He looks far too young to be driving a bus!'

Hehehehe

She wants to have my babies!!

Just got this email, which amused me no end!


Hello, gentleman

I want you to know that I had different relations with different men. I have
not got married one time, I decided that it was true love, but it was fatal
mistake of my life.
You may imagine how my heart is broken and it has painful scars. But
nevertheless I don't give up and I  continue looking for my love, happiness.
I understood that I could not find it there, in my native country, in
Ukraine. I had too much disappointments here. That is why I put a full stop
at the attempts to build love  in Ukraine. I feel lonely among thousands of
people.
I don't have native soul which would want to create family with me, give
birth to children, to build our home. So, I can't be happy in Ukraine,
although it is my native land.
I think that happiness will present me its smile abroad where I will find a
good, descent man who will share my interests and desire to create family.
You do were the first who attracted my attention and rose my interest. You
have something special if I decided to write you.
I hope that after reading my letter, you will be interested to get
acquainted with me too and write me  here http://inetfeelings.com/shy

Looking forward to get a letter from you

Olenka

BRING BACK PRELIMS

ALL IS FORGIVEN.

Madness!

Yesterday, in M&S food, I saw somebody with one of these:

















using it as a handbag and putting her shopping in one of these:











No, really.

Crazy finalist alert!

So, there I was, obscenely early for my tute as per usual and sitting by the water cooler in the linguistics faculty, listening to these two Chinese students talking. (As in students of Chinese, rather than students of Chinese nationality, but that's a different crazy finalist story.) I could tell they were first years because they both looked very clean. And because they were so idealistic and enthusiastic. They were talking about how many Chinese characters they had (about 1000) and about a book one of them had ordered to read over the summer. Then a girl walked in, who looked about 15, with an immaculate tan and a short white skirt, followed by her friend, who then bragged about how she'd only had 2 hours' sleep. The girl in the white skirt said something like, 'Yeah, I was going to go clubbing, but I was too drunk to walk' and the boys said they'd gone to Portmeadow 'but it was full of drunk hippies sitting round a bonfire'.

'Wow,' I thought, 'what interesting lives they must all lead.'

Then I remembered it was May Day.