"Francis Bacon wishes to meet the Earl of Sandwich"

For the second day in a row, I have been abandoned by the boy, and have immediately turned on Radio 4 and started to eat salad (my poor vegetable-starved body...) and today I found myself laughing so hysterically at I'm sorry I haven't a clue that I thought I'd post some gems from the opening round. (The brief was to come up with responses to traditional chat-up lines.)

Where have you been all my life?
Well, for most of it, I wasn't even born.

Haven't I seen you somewhere before?
Yes. I'm the receptionist at the VD clinic.

The name's Bond. James Bond.
The name's Lost. Gert Lost.

Come on. Don't be shy. Ask me out.
All right. Get out.

Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.
So would you.

Your legs must be tired - you've been running through my mind all night.
Yes, it was lovely... all those wide open spaces.

Is that a ladder in your stockings or is it the stairway to heaven?
Yes, it is the stairway to heaven, but I've already got an arse up there.

And now I really, really have to get on with the washing-up...