Worrying insights into my subconscious

This week I have impulse bought two wedding planning books - 'The Offbeat Bride' and 'The Anti-Bride Guide'* - and 'The Edible Woman'. Freud, eat your heart out...

Also three pairs of boots and one pair of shoes (I returned one of the pairs of boots) and I am still lusting after a pair of purple suede shoes. I lusted after a pair of purple shoes a while ago (they still had them, I nearly splurged). Maybe I should just buy some and realise they don't go with anything and that'll be that. I think all my difficulties buying clothes are totally reversed with shoes - I can go into almost any shoe-shop and try on almost any size 5 shoes and be reasonably assured they'll fit. Doesn't mean they won't be inherently impractical and painful or poorly made, but buying shoes is a joy that buying clothes just isn't.

I've been making progress on sewing this week, though. Livvy rigged up my sewing machine properly in exchange for tea (roll on the economic revolution) and it now works like a dream and I've made more progress on my suit in the past week than I had in the previous year! And I've made curtains and our house looks like a normal house now. Wooo.

(Ooh, my new comfysexy boots would look fab with my suit wot I'm making. Had not considered this.)

Exciting as-yet-unmentionable plans are shaping up nicely - god willing I should soon be able to shape them into something concrete. One slightly depressing up-side of being engaged is that, with the exception of the Happy Few, everyone seems to have totally lost interest in my dissatisfaction with where I live or my professional life (indeed, in anything about me as a unique thinking person rather than a thing to be dressed in white taffeta) and only talks to me about cake and photographs, so hopefully I can slip my rather drastic plans under the radar and then present them as a fait accompli, avoiding much of the anxiety-inducing wrangling over not offending people. And, because everyone assumes that engaged women are all raving lunatics, they will simply assume I am a raving lunatic and not be offended or say anything in case I strangle them with ribbons. Huzzah.

I am going to learn Italian and take up swimming on Wednesdays. Please nag me and hold me to these.



* From the blurb on the back: 'Possible signs you may be an anti-bride: Budget for wedding is less than future down-payment on home; Never gave a thought to china patterns in your life (until now); Recent meeting with caterer made you want to elope.' Oh dear god yes....